Previous England skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast 14 days after discovering he has the condition.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the minute," he stated.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is definitely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, states conversely he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his immediate welfare, his family and making preparations for when the disease progresses.
"Possibly that's surprise or possibly I handle situations differently, and once I have the information, it's simpler," he stated further.
Initial Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after observing some weakness in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After physical therapy didn't help the condition, a number of scans revealed nerve cells in his neurological system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably quite emotional about it, but it's so strange because I sense that everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't feel ill. I don't sense sick
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand area and the upper arm.
"I continue to be competent to doing whatever I want. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Illness Development
MND can develop rapidly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the illness kills a 33% of people within a 365 days and over half within two years of diagnosis, as ingestion and inhalation become more difficult.
Therapy can only slow worsening.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," stated an emotional Moody.
"It's the grief around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Family Consequences
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by feeling when he discussed informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the settee in crying, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced removing the moisture off our faces, which was quite silly."
Moody said the focus was being in the now.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be extremely strongly directed on just welcoming and enjoying all aspects now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the only real determination I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much duration with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Athlete Association
Professional competitors are excessively impacted by MND, with research suggesting the incidence of the condition is up to six times higher than in the general population.
It is thought that by restricting the O2 available and producing harm to motor neurone cells, frequent, intense training can initiate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Rugby Career
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, relentless method to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once sparked a practice confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a tackle pad and commenced throwing himself into collisions.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the end of the line-out in the decisive passage of play, creating a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the victory-securing drop kick.
Support System
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a handful of other ex- team-mates about his medical situation, but the others will be discovering his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the present, just having that kind of love and acknowledgment that people are there is the crucial thing," he said.
"The sport is such a excellent community.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"Being able to label your enthusiasm your profession, it's one of the most significant blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a period with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will want to assist in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
